“There are places in the heart that do not yet exist; suffering has to enter in for them to come to be.” – Leon Bloy
Life, is a privelage. It isn’t something that we should be taking for granted. Every breath that we breathe, is a gift. But the most beautiful things in life happen when someone within our family or social life, happens when the breath is gone. The memories that you have of someone that has moved on, are the most heartfelt and beautiful things you will ever remember. Yes, that probably sounds morbid..but think about it. Think about someone passed away who was very close to you..we’ve all experienced that type of pain before in our lives. When they moved on to have eternal rest..we never thought of the bad things that they have done in their lives. Have you really sat there and thought about the wrong that someone did even though they’re not with us anymore? No. Probably not. Instead, you think about the fun times you had, the laughs you shared, and all the memories in between. Not the negative ones.
People usually sit around and say death is a horrible thing. Yes, I would have to agree to a certain point. But has anyone really thought about how good death could really be? There are people out there that are suffering from numerous diseases and disorders that are incurable. Why would someone want to go through all of that pain? Not to sound mean..but death may be the best thing for them. Now, I’m not wishing death on anyone, that’s not who I am. But for someone to move on from pain, and not experience it ever again..is the greatest blessing someone can ever receive. How great would life be if we didn’t have to suffer? It would be so much easier. But, what would we have to learn from? At least at one point in everyone’s lives they have learned something from a negative situation.
My grandfather was an extraordinary man. He always put everyone else before himself, no matter what the outcome would be. He went out and bought my uncle’s engagement ring for his wife, because my uncle wasn’t able to afford it. He would give the shirt off of his back in the middle of winter, just so someone else would be warm.
As a girl, I looked up to him. Not because I was so much shorter..but because I could never wrap my mind around the fact of him helping everyone no matter how severe it was. To me, he really was a hero. Thinking about it now, he really was. Heroes run around helping people just because they like to. My grandfather did not have an issue with helping someone. In my opinion..I think that him helping people was one of this hobbies. And at least to me..he was really good at it.
My grandfather was definitely one of my role models as a child. Which is why when he died, I was completely lost in my life. Even though I was pretty young when he died, I still understood the fact that he was in a better place. Even though it took a while for me to realize it, I understood that me wanting him to be around me all the time was selfish. I used to sit and cry and wonder how he would leave me alone. Why would he leave his granddaughter here alone to face the world by herself?
That’s easy. He had all the faith in the world in me. And he didn’t leave me to face the world alone…he’s right here, carrying me, the whole way through. But most of all..he knew that I was capable of handling anything that would come my way. He would always tell me “Baby..you’re going places in the future. You know why? Because you’re passionate about everything you do. You do what makes you happy..and that will make your life even more successful.”
He died when I was in the 6th grade. December 23, 2006. He was ill, and kept it to himself for the longest time because he didn’t want us to worry. I haven’t seen my grandfather since he was in the hospital months before he passed away. My parents thought that I was too young to go to the funeral, so I wasn’t given the opportunity to actually say goodbye. When he died, no one really knew where he was going to be buried or placed. All everyone knew, was the cemetary he was going to be in and he was in a Moseleum. That was all. Ever since 2006..no one would take me to see him. Finally, two days ago, my grandmother, mother, and myself decided to take a road trip to find the one person who mattered the most to us. My grandfather.
I was the one who found his name on the side of the moseleum. After years of waiting..my grandfather was right infront of me. He was right there..but I couldn’t even touch him. All I could do, was look at that cold stone wall….and cry. That’s all I could bring myself to do. After 4 years of praying, begging, and waiting..he was finally with me. Right infront of me. And for the first time in 4 years, I had closure. I was able to stand there and see that he was in a better place. And within 4 years, I finally understand what it means to be carried by God and the people that you love. Staring at his name engraved on the marble stone in gold, I felt him lift me. He brought me to that cemetary to see that he was okay, and he was always going to be there. And he would never leave me. No matter what happens. All I have to do…is call his name. He may not be there physically, but he will most definitely listen. He will listen everytime I call on him for guidance or just to tell him I miss him. If he didn’t know that I miss him..why would I get the feeling that everything will be okay as I stood infront of that memorial at the cemetary..
